21 Change-Worthy Habits

1. Winning too much—need to win at all costs, often when it’s totally beside the point.
2. Adding too much value—the overwhelming habit to add our two cents worth.
3. Passing judgment—the habit of rating others and imposing my standards.
4. Making destructive comments—needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we might think are sharp and witty.
5. Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However”—the overuse of these qualifiers.
6. Telling the world how smart we are—the need to show people we’re smarter than they think we are.
7. Speaking when angry—emotional volatility as a management tool.
8. Negativity, or “Let me explain why this will not work”—the need to share our negative thoughts, even when we are not asked.
9. Withholding information—the refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others.
10. Failing to give proper recognition—the inability to praise and reward.
11. Claiming credit we don’t deserve—the most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success.
12. Making excuses—the need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it (“that’s just me…”).
13. Clinging to the past—the need to deflect blame from ourselves on to anyone or anything else.
14. Playing favorites—failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly.
15. Refusing to express regret—the inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we are wrong, or recognize how our actions affect others.
16. Not listening—the most passive-aggressive form of disrespect.
17. Failure to express gratitude—the most basic form of bad manners.
18. Punishing the messenger—the misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help us.
19. Passing the buck—the need to blame everyone except ourselves.
20. An excessive need to be “me”—exalting our faults and virtues simply because they’re who we are.
21. Goal obsession—the unyielding need to do “what it takes” to achieve (often misdirected effort and highly regretted later in life).

Which habit comes to mind regarding that troublesome colleague, friend, or relationship?  Would they know it?  In self-reflection, which habit applies to you and would you know it?

I highly recommend this book.  A word of caution though—to be most effective with his/her team, the reader must first integrate the process and embrace his/her own recognition of their “Change-Worthy Habits.”  In reading this book with an eye for its benefit to others, I assume that (as it did for me), the content will clearly point out areas in oneself needing remediation before the suggestions may help another.

As an executive coach I am sometimes called upon to work with high-level clients who are struggling to be successful. Curiously, one would think that executives would be at the peak of their game by the time they reach the level of Vice President or above. The reality is that a surprisingly high number of executives are either borderline or failing in terms of overall performance.

There are studies on why executives derail and ultimately fail in their job. One study, for example, found that 80% of managers leave their job because the individual can’t get along with his or her boss. While this is certainly a prevalent reason, my experience indicates that two more fundamental issues exist.

Loss of Meaning in Work
As a fundamental premise, people need meaning in their work. Often as students graduate from college and enter the workforce they move further away from activities and subjects that provide personal meaning, and match their skill sets and aptitudes. An aspiring accountant who has recently joined the workforce, for example, realizes that he or she must enter management to advance. The essential work of management, however, is different and removed from the work of being an accountant. As the accountant advances, he or she moves further away from the nature of the work that is most enjoyed. As a way to cope with this estrangement from work, some executives tenaciously cling to their functional expertise at the expense of managing. The micromanager who loves to delve into the smallest of details is one common manifestation of this problem. In contrast, the successful executive has learned to discover fulfillment in the work of a manager and leader. This often requires a change in thinking in what constitutes satisfaction in the work they perform as a manger. Many are unable to make this leap and, therefore, suffer with frustration throughout their careers. This dissatisfaction increases as they ascend within the organization until they reach a point where they are unable to find any significance in their work. Interestingly, executive burn out does not come from hard work. More frequently, it comes from not finding satisfaction in work. In hiring an executive, therefore, it is critical to ensure that the candidate for an executive-level position finds satisfaction in the work of a manager and leader. One of the best ways to discover if a candidate finds this satisfaction is to tailor interview questions that explore this dimension. For example, “That must have been a challenging situation to manage. Tell me, what did you find brought you satisfaction?” A candidate who found meaning will be able to quickly respond with definite answers.

Ineffective Learned Behavior
We all use behavior as a problem solving tool. Our current behavior is usually built on a foundation of previous behavior that has been rewarded. On a very practical level, for example, executives have learned to behave in ways that get them rewarded (i.e., promotion, bonus, perks, etc.). The successful executive consistently demonstrates behavior that is mature and constructive, fits the culture of the organization, and meets the expectations of the major stakeholders. They have learned that acting in this manner brings rewards. Conversely, the unsuccessful executive demonstrates behavior that is immature, often erratic, and usually counterproductive. Unfortunately, this ineffective behavior has also been rewarded in the past. The rewards may be that the highly-competitive executive won by overwhelming others, the supervisor allowed certain behavior to exist without reprimand, or the person was promoted because it was the path of least resistance. As the individual advances, the impact of these troublesome or ineffective behaviors becomes larger and affects more people within the organization. These learned and reinforced behaviors become stubborn and difficult to change. In hiring executives, I often tell my clients to use a “behavioral interview” which forces a candidate to talk about the specific behavior that they have used in the past to deal with situations they have faced. This is an excellent tool for identifying whether or not the behaviors they have used previously are likely to work in a new situation.

The reality, of course, is that people do change and develop. While it is relatively easy for an executive coach to help a client adopt a new skill, it is much harder to help this same client adopt an entirely new attitude, and way of thinking and reacting to the opportunities and stresses of an executive level job.  In the final analysis, the best way to get a high performing executive is to begin by hiring the right person for the job. This person will be an individual who finds fundamental meaning in the work of an executive and has largely mastered the constructive behaviors that will place him or her in good stead within the organization.

Dr. Miller, a former billion-dollar company CEO now works as an executive coach and recently authored “Coach Yourself to Succeed @ work.”  For more information see www.BecomeYourBest.net.

An executive team makes its best decisions when it addresses the concerns of all the team members – call it the conflict of ideas.  But an open clash of ideas can also create bruised feelings and strained relationships, which damage the decision process and implementation. To prevent that damage, executives need to promote trust among their top managers, according to a new study from Cornell’s Center for Hospitality Research.

The study, “Why Trust Matters in Top Management Teams: Keeping Conflict Constructive,” by Tony Simons and Randall Peterson, is available at no charge from the center’s website.  Simons is an associate professor at Cornell, and Peterson is a professor at the London Business School.

Simons and Peterson surveyed the executive teams of 70 U.S. based companies to determine the factors that help the conflict of ideas without generating strained relationships.  Trust among the group members emerged as an important factor.

“We concluded that the decision-making process is improved when members of a group trust each other to be honest and competent,” Simons said.  “When people trust each other, they can speak their mind without offending one another.  That way, the group gets the benefit of constructive debate without the destructive effects of interpersonal strain.”

I first picked this book up with the idea that it might be a good resource for our clients.  Initially, my impression was that the reading proved to be predictable, ordinary, and basic common sense—BUT ONLY FOR A WHILE! Was this book so simplistic that it was profound?

The main premise in Fired Up is that connection within the organization counts.  Throughout the book, the lead author, Michael Stallard, quotes and follows the lives of both successful, connecting leaders like John Wooden (UCLA basketball coach), Marquis de Lafayette (a Frenchman who selflessly served our country), Anne Mulcahy (CEO of Xerox), and Harriet Beecher Stowe (the author of Uncle Tom’s Cabin), while contrasting the poor examples of leadership characteristics in Howell Raines (former executive editor of the New York Times) and Dirk Jager (former CEO of Proctor and Gamble).  The difference between successful leaders and disgraced leaders lies in their ability to use their character to inspire connection.

Connection, according to Stallard, is the leverage that sets apart “good” from “best” organizations.  Without a sense of connection at work, there is job dissatisfaction and burnout. A “Connection Culture” is one where Vision+Value+Voice=Connection.  Vision is defined as being motivated by the organization’s mission, unified by its values and proud of its reputation.  Value is described as understanding the basic psychological needs of people, appreciating their positive, unique contributions, and helping them achieve their potential.  The third element of connection, Voice, is determined by seeking the ideas of others, sharing ideas and opinions honestly and safeguarding relational connections.

The book goes on to list the leadership steps required to foster a “connection environment.”  They include inspiring identity, creating meaning within your organization, deleting what devalues, dialing up the value, and increasing knowledge flow.  Probably my favorite portions of the book were the application exercise at the end of each chapter as well as the mini biographical section that details twenty “Connecting Leaders.”  Both of these substantiated the concept of connection and its importance in “firing people up” and helping to eliminate burn-out.

In summary, I enjoyed and learned from this book.  Don’t under estimate its lessons.  Even if you have a sterling track record and seemingly accurate sense of your own leadership or “connection ability’, you can learn much from Fired Up Or Burned Out.